Lessons from Gardening

There are few activities that provide more and better metaphors for life than gardening. Which is probably why I find it both philosophical and life-affirming. The garden, like life, has to be tended carefully to make sure that the things we value multiply, and the weeds and briars are kept out. You don't have to tend the weeds. You don't have to prepare the ground, plant the seeds, and carefully nourish them to get them to grow. They are there spontaneously and will multiply at a rapid rate, choking out the beauty of your garden, if you are not constantly alert and vigilant. And so with life. We live in a negative world. The negative influences are all around us and can choke out the positive, healthy, and spiritual parts of us if we are not dutiful in tending to our life.

And so I love to weed my garden. Yes, that's right. I do love weeding. I find it very therapeutic, especially at the end of a difficult day of listening to people's problems and fending off my own. As I dig the weeds from my garden and make room for the plants that bring me pleasure, I feel like I am cleaning my life and my mind of the clutter and the pain and making room for emotional and spiritual aesthetics to grow and flourish, bringing me a sense of order, peace and calm.

And sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between the weeds and the flowers. I had a plant in the flower bed by the garage door. I didn't recognize it, but it had pretty yellow flowers on it, so I decided to leave it alone and see what happened. It has spread like crazy, which means it must be a weed; none of my flowers are growing so well. It still looks pretty, but it is starting to choke out the gerbil daisy that I planted last year and have tended so carefully. I haven't pulled it yet, but I am watching it carefully and will sacrifice it, no matter how pretty it looks if it appears that it is going to do damage to the bed in the long run. So many things that come into our life have the appearance of something good, and in the early stages may seem perfectly harmless to us, but no matter how pleasureful and pleasant they may seem if they begin to choke the other good things in our life, then they may need to go.

And so this brings to mind a poem I wrote several years back for a parenting curriculum I developed, and it seems appropriate to share it here.

CHILDREN ARE LIKE SEEDLINGS

Each contains his or her own unique attributes and qualities.

The Community is the environment.

Families are the seed bed in which they develop.

Parents are the gardeners.

To help each seedling develop to its full potential,

the gardener much understand the individual needs of each plant and

provide a seed bed that nutures and protects each

appropriately as it grows.

Sometimes the environment is helpful,

and the gardener uses its resources to help the plants grow.

Sometimes the environment is hostile and dangerous,

and the gardener must protect the young seedlings from

its negative influences.

Knowing and understanding each plant's needs,

providing for those needs in the seed bed,

exposing it to outside influences that are helpful

while protecting it from those that can harm,

the gardener can assist each plant in growing

to its maximum beauty and potential.

If you have every planted anything you know that the care and nurturing required depends upon the kind of seed planted. If I had planted tomato seeds and followed all the instructions for strawberries, I still would have gotten tomatoes, but they probably would not have been to their "maximum beauty and potential." And any parent with more than one child knows that they do not all respond in the same way to the same kind of care. Oh, how much easier it would if they did! And how nice it would be if they each came with instructions like that found on seed packets or with seedlings that you purchase. But they don't, and so you learn by trial and error and love what works and what doesn't work.

Just as I learn about the plants in my garden each year. Some of the plants have been there for a number of years, and they grow and flourish each summer, but I don't want to tell you how many I have had to pull out or move someplace else because they just didn't work where I had them planted! So if what you are doing with your children isn't working, don't be afraid to try something different, and even consult a more experienced "gardener" who might be able to suggest things you haven't tried that may--or may not--work. Just don't give up, because ultimately the reward will be worth the hard work.

So, good night, and happy gardening to all of you.